The past two days for me have been super intense. I’ve cried more in the past 48 hours than I have all year. However, I’ve needed it. I am grateful. Honestly, I am. I welcome the release. I need the weight of it lifted.
It’s taken 41 years for me to allow my Shadow Self to have devotion and relevance to honor her fully and let her all the way out sometimes. She’s here, and she’s pissed.
The area we are in is simply no longer energetically sustainable, not for our hearts, not for our mental health, not for spiritual growth…not for anything. While my 5D expands inward my 3D is stagnant and frustrating. My Shadow has been trying to tell me that for months while I keep trying to make peace with my circumstances, so She eventually screamed it.
Ironically, I hadn’t discussed this in ages with my husband. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. Apparently all my Shadow needed was to bask in his Shadow because he feels the same way. A quiet man articulated the pain I couldn’t find the words for as I realized he too carried it. We made a horrible mistake moving to WA. Both of us looked at the other in shame and found a glimmer of hope as we realized our pain wasn’t solitary. I stood there andd suddenly realized I’m forming a spiritual connection with soul that doesn’t acknowledge his spirituality. So there’s still expansion even in the darkness.
We long for home, we miss comfort, warmth, sweetness, ease, and space…room to breathe. What we long for doesn’t exist where we are, and there is just no way to create an entirely culture that fits. We feel locked in a totally futile pattern surrounded by absolute apathy.
Our Shadow sides needed to be seen and heard and not just held individually but held by each other.
Pray for me and my family as we manifest a way back home to NC. All while we hold space for 10 months of Kindergarten here and what’s best for our child yet not absolutely breaking on the inside of ourselves. It seems the Universe wants to keep us here for awhile and we don’t understand or want that but are diligently trying to hang on, gracefully.
I post things like this so you don’t just get my highlight reel. There are very few authentic and unfiltered people left in this world and I long to be one. I love and am loved by many an authentic soul in this space. Most of the time, emotionally, I am up or at least even and balanced and I care enough about myself and you to show you when I am not.
Sending so much love and humbly asking for it back
